Wednesday 22 October 2014

Quite the shakesphere!

This week in class we have been working on poetry writing. This is my free flowing style poem about a kiwi summer, give me your feedback and be sure to tell me what you think of it!


Our Summer.


 

 
Jandles pearched against dry driftwood,

While cricket is played on the smooth shore.

Ice creams overrun our diets and it seems we only know Christmas songs.

The days are endless and the sea is a must,

Opening its arms to the many swimmers.

Fish and chips under the pohutukawa,

while young ones dream of Santa….

This is our summer.

By Emily Forsyth.
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Location: Auroa, New Zealand

5 comments:

  1. Merry Beau13 November 2014 at 12:51

    Hi Emily,

    I love your poem. I had to look up what Jandles mean, as I had never heard that word before. So I have a picture in my head of sandals on dry driftwood.

    I love the alliteration in the words 'dry driftwood', the way both words begin with the same letter and you've done it again with the 'smooth shore'.

    I can just visualize the cricket being played on the beach just as the tide has gone out leaving the sand smooth.

    So far your poem has appealed to my eyes and my ears (I can hear the cricket bat hitting the ball) and now you are appealing to my sense of smell and taste with your talk of icecream.

    Then you get very clever with your talk of endless days and the sea being a 'must' with the lovely image of the sea 'opening its arms to the many swimmers'.

    Back you go to appealing to the sense of smell and taste with fish and chips.

    I had never heard of a pohutukawa but googled it and see that it is a magnificent tree so you wind up with a strong visual image and a simple but effective last line: 'This is our summer.'

    Well done. I look forward to reading more.

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  2. Anonymous13 November 2014 at 17:29

    WOW! This is definitely the longest yet most meaningful comment! I enjoyed reading this feedback that you had to offer and I enjoyed writing this because I also wanted to build the visual image of "Our Summer". Thank you so much. Emily

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  3. Merry Beau14 November 2014 at 06:37

    Thanks for the reply Emily.

    Your poem was so good, it merited a long and considered comment :)

    Also as we head into the 'bleak midwinter' here in the Northern Hemisphere, it is lovely to be reminded as Summer.

    With every good wish,

    Merry Beau

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous16 November 2014 at 19:24

      Thank you so much for making the effort to reply Mary! I enjoyed knowing that you sincerely loved my poem it was a very fun homework activity. Emily

      Delete
  4. Anonymous10 December 2014 at 17:19

    Such a cool story Emily! it was awesome! You are such a talented writer so keep being awesome!
    Madaline, Auroa School

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